i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
