I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize