meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
