Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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