Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
