People in love make me want to vomit
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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