I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
