And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
