bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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