yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
