I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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