Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
