the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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