I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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