I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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