We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
