I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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