I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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