I am puke
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
