Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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