i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
