he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
