What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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