4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
