Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
