somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
