Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
