i just sent this text using only my big toe
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
