At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
