it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
