You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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