ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
