So drunk its hurt
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
