...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
