I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
