I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
