btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
