his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
