I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
