We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize