My hand turned me down
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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