Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
