i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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