You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
