this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
