It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
