u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
