I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
