The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
