my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
