i was born a porn star she said
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
