True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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