I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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