I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sobbing to NWA
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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