Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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