The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
