You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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