Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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