i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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