Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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