i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
