Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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